I only want what I can't have
by soulpunkwowow
Summary: FOB/Highschool AU: Autumn is starting at a new school, but finds opening up to other people difficult, and is constantly battling the voices in her head -that's when she meets Patrick Stump and his friends Joe Trohman, Pete Wentz and Andy Hurley (AKA Fall Out Boy), who change her life; maybe in the end, she'll get what she has always wanted after all.
1. When you wakeup theworld willcome around

**A/N Hello :D so, this is my first story, I hope y'all like it, some feedback would be awesome!**

_BEEPBEEPBEEP_  
_BEEPBEEPBEEP_  
_BEEPBEEPBEEP_

"SHUT UP!" Amanda screeched, whacking the beeping alarm clock. I rubbed my eyes and sighed – time for school. I waited for Chloe and Jasey to follow Amanda out of the room before I rolled my sleepy body out of bed.

I took this as an opportunity to gather my clothes for the day and run to one of the four bathrooms at the home, seeing as most of the other kids would be downstairs fighting over breakfast. I gave up on trying to get any proper breakfast a few days ago, I hadn't been at the orphanage even a week yet, but found it more useful to use one of the bathrooms while they were empty so that I wouldn't have to cue.  
I locked the aging wooden door behind me, stripping out of my makeshift pyjamas (thick black leggings and a big red jumper) and stepped into the shower. I twisted the rusty handle and took a sharp intake of breath as freezing cold ran water down my body. The shock brought me out of my sleepy daze and I began to wash my hair as the water warmed and soothed my skin.

Once done in the shower I wrapped a towel around my hair, dried off my body and began wiggling into my black skinny jeans; failing to avoid my own disgusting reflection in the mirror. _Fat pig_. I slipped on a black vest and a big green knitted jumper along with my black skinny jeans, brushing my wet hair and leaving it to dry and become its normal curly mess. I quickly applied some winged eyeliner and mascara, slipped on my black converse (with checked laces, because I'm too cool) and exited the dingy bathroom.

Cracking my back, I made my way back down the rugged carpet of the landing and into one of the many rooms in this hell hole. Don't get me wrong – I was grateful for having somewhere to live, because I know that so many more people my age (17) aren't as lucky as me, and struggle to even feed and clothe themselves… It's just that the people here aren't all that great...  
My tye dye backpack – with a picture of a space laser cat on it – hung on the left post of the silver bunk bed that sat opposite an identical bunk. I liked having the top bed, it gave me space and made me feel like I was alone in the world. It gave me time to think, but sometimes your thoughts can go to deep and you have to bring yourself back to reality before it all becomes too much.  
I whipped my bag off of the bunk post and swung the straps over my shoulders before trudging downstairs, grabbing a cereal bar off of the table to munch on my way to school. It was my first day and damn was I nervous! I'm not the _talk to people and make friends easily_ kinda person…. I don't know what it is, I try to engage with other humans, but I always just seem to bother them more than anything; so it's easier just to keep quiet and not get in the way. I shoved these thoughts deep down, braced myself for the day ahead and pushed open the front door, ready to start my trip to hell.

But of course I couldn't get off that easily. "Excuse me?" came Amanda's nasally voice from behind, I ignored her, hoping, no _wishing_ to be left alone.

"Excuuuse me?" I stepped out the door _so close._

"OI FREAK!" _shit_. I snapped my hand away from the door, turning to face the 17 year old bleach blonde Barbie. Her eyes tore into me and I felt as though I was being burnt underneath a bright white spotlight. "Hi…" I mumbled.  
"What's that in your hand?" she sniggered. She obviously knows what it is, she just wants to prove a point in front of her entourage, who were now beginning to crowd around us.  
"Erm, cereal bar." I tried to keep the tone light, but I knew that this was going downhill fast. I could feel my heart beat pick up speed as my brain went through every possible way that this could go wrong.  
"I'm not fucking stupid. Who said you could have it huh?!" Damn girl, _she needs to chill_.  
"I jus- well you all… I mean I didn…didn't get any, erm, any breakfast… and you guys had all been down to eat so I thought it'd be okay…" I continued staring intensely at the moulding wooden floorboards of the hallway, to cowardly to look into Amanda's ice blue eyes – praying for a miraculous escape  
"Amanda snickered, "well- just… just… just… I-" they all began to cackle at her mimicking me, then her right hand bitch Jasey piped in – "Come on honey, do you really need that? Even that massive jumper can't hide your bulging stomach!" again came the cackling, I deserved it though, my stomach WAS massive. I really didn't need to eat, and it really wouldn't hurt if I lost a little – _scrap that_ – a lot of weight.  
"GET AWAY FROM THE FREAKIN DOOR, YOU'RE LETTING ALL THE HEAT OUT" Damon's voice boomed from his usual place on the sofa in one of the two living rooms, he slept there most nights, usually too drunk to make it up the stairs - I could tell he was starting early by the slur in his voice. Amanda's, Jasey's and Chloe's eyes all shot towards the loud grumble - clearly shocked - and I took this as my chance to sprint out of the front door, down the path and onto the pavement, making my way towards the school bus stop. _Damn that was a close call._


	2. Get, get, get, get, get out now

**A/N HI:D so... here's the next chapter, I'm sorry if it seems a little slow at the beginning, let me know what you think :D**

I was so thankful for Damon at that moment. He was the 'leader' type person at the orphanage, in charge of all the other workers. But he never really does anything, just sits on his fat ass and drinks all day.

It was quite chilly this summer morning due to a strong wind, then again, Chicago isn't called the windy city for nothing, amirite? Being outside makes me feel calm, because I'm not confined by the walls around me, and there is usually a great distance between me and any other people – it gives me space. It also makes me realise how insignificant my worries and insecurities are. Like:  
_Who cares if I don't make loads of friends? There is over 7 billion people on earth and I will barely come into contact with even a fraction of them. Who cares if I don't get an A on my maths exam? Complex organisms such as bacteria, plants, animals, humans and the WORLD will still continue to function without my complete knowledge of quadratic equations._  
_Who cares that I'm a fat piece of shit that's gonna end up alone with no one to hold me? The sun will eventually explode and destroy the earth along with every living thing on it._  
Actually I care.  
I care a lot.  
But I decided that today wasn't the day to have an existential crisis and cry in a corner for hours on end. I thought that I should look at least mildly happy during my first day of education. So – as I trudged down the cracked pavement – I looked around me for a distraction; something to keep my mind off of the inevitably eventual end of all life on earth and destruction of millions of years of hard work as we know it.

Looking up, the sky was a deep grey, which matched both the road and the slightly lighter coloured pavement. I like the colour grey immensely, so this made me happy. The orphanage I was put in was situated in a small neighbourhood in Chicago Illinois, a good fifteen minute journey away from Bluecroft Highschool – there were cherry blossoms lining the streets which rainined down soft pink petals with every gust of wind. The contrast between the rosy pink flowers and the monochrome coloured sky made me feel as though I was in another more peaceful universe, so when I got to the bus stop I tilted my head back and let the wind carry my mind some place far away.  
That was until the bright yellow and beaten up school bus came bounding down the road – leaving a cloud of toxic black smoke in its mist. As it pulled up and the doors slid open I pulled the sleeves of my trusty green jumper into my palms, allowing my side fringe to fall over my eyes.  
As soon as I stepped onto the bus, the doors behind me snapped shut and the engine roared back to life. I took this as my cue to sit down. Glancing around the long bus, I saw that it was pretty empty, with only four people sat towards the front. I stumbled further back down the aisle of seats and decided on the middle section, not too far forwards or backwards. However the closer to school I got, the more people who joined the journey – and by now there were only two sets of seats left available, one of which I was sat in, so I prayed that this was everyone because I really didn't feel like being squished up to some stranger. It's not that I'm snobby and selfish and feel grossed out or annoyed by people sitting by me, I just worry that – because we'd be sat so close – they'll notice all the little things. Like the way I smell, the acne and acne scars on my face, my awful frizzy hair, the ruff condition of my clothes, my freakishly tall height, my excessive body fat… the list is endless. I'm just afraid that I'll end up grossing them out, or generally just annoying them with my presence.

The growing noise on the bus was making me feel uncomfortable, so I slipped in my earphones and turned my IPod to Lets Cheers to This by Sleeping With Sirens – I freaking love this album, it's the first thing I got on my IPod all those years ago back in England. It was old, and you could tell. The gold coloured paint on the small rectangular object was no longer shiny, but dull and scratched. Just as Do it Now Remember it Later came on and I'd pumped up the volume, the bus came to yet another stop and the doors flew open once more.  
_Nonononononononononononononononononono_  
Four guys then stepped onto the bus, but no one seemed to pay much attention to them. _Crap one of them is gonna sit by me._ The first to make his way down the aisle had a mass of curly brown hair on his head, afro guy was followed by another dude just a little shorter than him who had wavy brown hair and a ginger beard – afro and beard sat behind me. _Craaaaaaaaap_. They were then followed by a grumpy looking guy with a black fringe and eyeliner. He noticed me watching and gave a questioning look to the guys behind me, nodding his head in my direction. _On no I'm sat in his seat abort abort abort! _Emo dude stood next to the two guys behind me rather than sitting down and just as I was about to excuse myself to stand at the front of the bus, a guy with longish blonde hair tucked under a trucker cap along with some impressive sideburns slid into the seat next to me, causing us to crash into each other. _NONONONONONONONONO!_  
I quickly ripped out my headphones and tucked them into my pocket, stuttering out a string of _sorry_s and _no it's fine_s, all while trying to avoid his big blue eyes.  
_Wait… what?!_  
"Hey don't worry about it." Sideburns chuckled, the sound of his laugh set off a weird fluttering feeling in my stomach. _What IS going on._  
I grabbed my trusty cat bad off of the floor, ready to make a run for the front of the bus, "I'll, erm, move so you-your erm friend c-can sit… sit down…" I mumbled, nodding up at the emo boy, but sideburns spoke before I could even think about moving.  
"Naah you're fine, Pete can stand." He gestured to the boy holding onto one of the yellow poles stretching from the floor of the bus to the roof, emo boy – who's name I now was Pete – then spoke up,  
"Hey! Since when do you speak for me?" damn, he sounded angry, but in a joking sort of way.  
Trucker hat guy turned and responded to the eyeliner clad boy, and I began to feel really awkward just sat amongst their conversation, "I can stand, seriously just let me p-" I was cut off once more when I heard blonde boy whisper to Pete, "Give her a break man, I think she's new." He then glanced over and smiled warmly at me, and it made me feel a little better. But was it that obvious that I was new? It was clear that I wasn't moving anytime soon – no matter how awkward I felt or how much I protested – so I went back to my IPod, turning the volume up to max to try and block out the noise.


	3. I'm good to go

**Hellooo :3 I'm not gonna be doing different POVs often, I just want you guys to know what Autumn looks like, sounds like, how she acts… ect… enjoy :D**

**Patrick's POV**

A sharp knock on the front door caused my head to jolt up from packing my backpack for school. It's the start of a new year, so there isn't much to pack, making my bag nice and light.

"OOH I'll get it!" My mom then came rushing out of the kitchen and eagerly yanked the front door open to reveal a grumpy looking Pete Wentz. "Hi Pete! Patrick's just getting his bag together, but he shouldn't be a minute. Come in! Come in!" Mom was always so kimd, especially towards the guys. She would let us practice in the garage and prided herself in being our biggest fan. We were called Fall Out Boy (nerdy Simpsons reference yeah yeah I know) and played mainly punk rock music – we'd done a few gigs around Chicago, but were still waiting for our big break. I sang and played guitar, Pete played bass, and then there was Andy Hurley on drums and Joe Trohman on guitar. Me and the guys all went to Bluecroft highschool, catching the bus together each morning.

I zipped up the black backpack, swinging it over my shoulders and readjusting my blue trucker hat in the mirror before meeting Pete in the hallway. "'Sup dude," I greeted.  
"Not much man, like the hat." he replied with a toothy grin. I dipped my head and smiled, I only liked wearing these hats because at least then I could hide underneath them.  
"Like the eyeliner." I teased, grinning at the heavily made over boy in front of me. Pete glared at me then sighed "Shut up…" making his way back out the front door and into the cold Chicago air.  
I followed him through the door, shouted bye to my mom and turned to wave at the apron clad woman. She began waving back, "Honey wait! Are you staying behind at school later?" I looked to Pete for confirmation, walking down the path of my house, he nodded his head.  
"Yeah we are!" I yelled as we continued down and onto the pavement.  
"Okay, see you later!" and with that she closed the door.

Me and Pete made small talk on our way to the bus stop, too tired to engage in any actual conversation. "Soo…" he dragged out.  
"Soo…" I mimicked, unsure of where to take the conversation.  
"How are you and Kara?" I piped up. Kara was Pete's girlfriend – she was short and cute with freckles and black hair to match Pete's. They'd been together for about seven months now, and both seemed to love the other very much. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, Pete just seemed to get into relationships so easily, while I was yet to be in a proper relationship.  
Pete looked up at me, "We're good man, yeah… I mean I guess so. It's seven months since we got together in a couple weeks, so I wanna get her something special." He stopped as we reached Andy and Joe, both stood talking at the bus stop.  
"I just don't know what to get…" he trailed off, looking pretty confused.

"Seven months and you still don't know what to get your girlfriend?" Joe laughed, causing Pete to send him a death glare. Joe raised his hands in defence. Andy, who's tattoos were displayed proudly with his short sleeved t-shirt, then said, "I think you need a girl,"  
"I can't cheat on her as a gift dickwad," Pete spat, clearly not in the mood, a confused expression etched onto his face.

"No! Like, get a girl to help choose a present for her, someone who knows Kara well." Andy suggested, shrugging his idea off.  
"I would but you know that none of her friends can be trusted to keep a secret." Pete scrunched his face up in concentration.

"YEAH!" Joe shouted suddenly, pointing at Pete and causing us all to jump in our sleepy states, "Like the time YOU decided to tell one of her friends that I liked Laney!" Pete just chuckled at the memory and the way Joe's hair was being blown about every which way by the wind.  
"Dude, I was drunk I'm so sorry!" he howled, me and Andy then began laughing as the memories from that night came flooding back. Pete had decided that a sober school ball would be boring, so brought some drinks of his own. I don't even remember how he managed to sneak them into the school – but it was funny as hell.

"Hey," I finally managed to choke out between laughs, while Andy was still doubled over and Joe just stood there looking rather unimpressed, "It was an accident, and you gotta admit, that night was one of the funniest things to happen to us!" a small, reminiscent smile made its way onto Joe's face. "Besides," I straightened my hat, composing myself "You and Laney have been going out for what, three months? You should be thanking him!"  
Joe just waved his hands about dismissively, "Yeah, well I was gonna make a move anyways…"  
"Sure, you're such a big girl…" Andy rolled his eyes.

The sound of an engine directed our attention towards the end of the road where the school bus was just appearing. "Ladies first," Pete bowed to Joe, earning a middle finger in response. I followed behind as the guys trailed onto the bus, curious as to why Pete hadn't sat down in our usual spot – that's when I noticed a girl with deep red hair sitting in his window space. I watched her quickly shove her headphones into her pocket as I walked down the aisle.  
As I got closer her features became more apparent, and holy smokes was she pretty. She had a mass of deep red, curly hair that came down past her shoulders, dark brown eyes, pudgy cheeks and tan coloured skin. Red girl went to stand up, probably because Pete was stood there shooting daggers at her, so I decided to get a better look. She was tall – but still shorter than me – and had on a big green jumper, it must have been at least two sizes too big. From what I could see she wasn't really fat or thin. Her arms and legs were pudgy – like her cheeks – and I saw he belly stick out a little when she pulled at the bottom of her jumper nervously. She had the same body type as me basically. I reached the seat and slid in next to her before she could stand, causing us to collide and for her to fall back into the seat with the cutest little squeak, her face matching the colour of her hair – mine was probably the same shade.  
"S-sorry,"  
"No it's f-fine,"  
"Sorry I-"  
"Really no worries I ju-"

"Hey don't worry about it," I chuckled at how awkward she seemed and her sweet sounding British accent. _You can't call her cute you don't even know her._  
"I'll, erm, move so you-your erm friend c-can sit… sit down…" she began again – I looked down at her and noticed that she had pulled her sleeves over her hands, making my stomach twist into a knot. _What IS this?_  
"Naah you're fine, Pete can stand." I blurted out before realising that she had no idea who Pete was, I just really wanted her to stay. _Idiot_. She was probably anxious as hell right now, you could see it in her eyes and the way she kept tugging at her jumper and sleeves, so I turned to Pete (who was still looking angrily at red head) and whispered "Give her a break man, I think she's new." Before turning back around and smiling at her, trying anything to make her feel less uncomfortable because there's nothing worse than feeling like an inconvenience; I should know.  
Andy, Joe and Pete all began talking and I saw red girl put her earphones back in, turning the volume up to max. I could hear the music slightly, but couldn't place the song, so I took a sneaky look over just as she was changing whatever was playing and furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. She went to change the song with her left hand, but... she didn't have one. She pulled it out of her sleeve to reveal a thin wrist, tiny palm and five round little digits that I'm guessing were her fingers. She used her little thumb to change the song then slid her 'hand' back into her sleeve, before snapping her head to look me dead in the eyes. _Shit, I've been staring waaay to long._ I looked away as quickly as possible, pretending to talk to Andy, but it was too late, she'd already noticed.

_Such a fucking idiot..._


End file.
